You've never been so divine in accepting your defeat

So, it's been a long time.

This is the brightest of the things I've seen in a few weeks.
Seriously.



I have to do this.
My life's a mess.
 

The promised forevers that only lasted a few months.
The I love yous that were just pure lies.
The truths you believed in that are now labeled as a bullshit of your past.

What are they for if you didn't learn your lesson
and you're making the same mistakes again?
What else is there to live for?

I know you know.
I just pretty much feel like saying this just to anybody.

Happy birthday Brendon!
Like really, really happy.Including lots of fun, drinks and Ryan friends.

♥

Yeah and by the way, that's the most amazing song I've heard in last...week.Okay, I really love the song.
And another song I'm crazy about right now is The fear by Lily Allen.SO FUCKING FANTASTIC...

I still can't believe Keltie broke up with Ryan.It's so surreal.I just pray for that message to be from Brendon.There's nothing in the world I'd like more.I still have to check out Keltie's blog entries from last week 'cause I've been a little out of picture this past week.I've been in Alps.It was awesome there.LOTS of snow.Week of snowboarding.Every part of my body hurts.But it was SO worth it.Catching up with my new-old friends again was great.They're amazing girls.We were telling each other stories from past year, relaxing and having lots of frickin' fun.I've never laughed so much in my life.We were re-watching Twilight I somehow managed to get to the laptop.Yeah, we're total Twi-freaks.Repeating every quote and writing it on the fogged mirror.Making photos, making memories.AND I've seen the most amazing guy on a snowboard in the world.Details later.Or maybe no details at all.Whatever.

Well, I found out Keltie had deleted all the previous entries before I got the chance to read them.Pretty fucked up.And Brendon has a girlfriend of some kind?Just WTF?

Okay, okay.It’s Friday.So fucking good.Going to visit my grandma now.And my friends in Presov.And stalk a cute neighbor my grandma has.Lots of love, I’ll be back on Sunday.

P.S. That neighbor is like, really, really hot.And so hot.Did I mention hot? nice.

Suddenly it all came back to me.The kisses.The chills on my back.Electrifying me.
It's the moment you know
You're going right to hell.You don't know.
It's the moment when
You're drowning in your own lies.You don't know.
It's the exact moment you know
Your world is falling down on you.Killing you.You know for sure.
Your dream had became too real and then everything got messed up.
You've never asked why.Nobody would answer.Sure, why bother.

FUCK IT.

Today I got home from Fuerteventura (Canary Islands, Spain) and hells yeah!I found out I had received my PATD's A Picture With Books + Reinvent ♥ shirt + Paramore shirt that I ordered just before Christmas and I was jumping up and down and up and down and up...yeah I'm utterly happy.And later, while watching Live in Chicago I caught myself singing along and when I did it again I was just 'Is it dumb or...isn't it?Ooh, fuck it' and went on.I even felt the need to scream when a song ended.It's a really good DVD, indeed.And hey, I got the HEY MOON sticker about which I'm extremely happy.Yay.

And I'm looking for the fucking DVD (a fucking movie rather) now and CAN'T find it.Don't know where I last put it.Shit.I should write down where I'm putting things, cause this just happens to me ALL THE TIME.And it's rather annoying.

I haven't been commenting much lately, so sorry.
I love you, whoever you are.
Even if you're not there, I still love you.

All the memories, all the things you shared
Are now broken dreams
You wish you could, you wish you could
Just take it back


But there are no more words to be said,
So take a breath, take a breath
And stop regretting what cannot be refreshed


You've changed, you're pretty much not the same
Life taught you to be strong, so you're fighting on your own
They're staring, watching you fight with mouths dropped to the floor
And you're laughing out aloud thinking, what a wonderful show

I thought I knew you.but I really didn’t.
I thought I loved you.but you told me to not.
Are you satisfied now?with your perfect plan.
I should have never met you.and you should have never died.

His lips so soft. Oh so soft.
The kiss. Sweeter than ever.
Those eyes. They're perfectly hazel, sympathetic.
The touch, when he touches you, you're melting away. His warm hand against yours cold feels so fine. You feel safe, like you're saved. And the way he made you feel, made you so blind.

Let's just look at the tricks he'd used - the ones he's trying on another poor girl right now. It's a pity she doesn't know his sweetness, his pleasure, his kindness and understanding is all fake. All but true.
It's just a step to get to her. Make her want. Want him.

You have just two options then: let him do what he wants or he'll get rid of you. Possibly break your heart. Maybe chat with her in the front of your eyes. Slightly touch her. They'll laugh together once in a while. Go dance, and then they disappear. Just like you did just a while ago. The only difference is you didn't let him.

So now you're sitting there wondering, if she feels at least as good as you felt. You're not blaming her, though - you can't. It's not her fault. It's all his. He's the one to blame.

He, the perfect boy with the perfect face.
He, the liar. He, the one you fell for.

But you want to remember him. Remember the feelings.

His deep eyes.
And the kisses.

No matter what, he made you feel loved. Just cut everything else out and remember how you felt...

Yaaaay.i'm going to York.leaving right now.& i'm soo happy.love you.bye

Hey heey!i'm ill.yeaaah.and don't have anything to do so i'm just watching some crappy tv shows.so boring!:D it's kind of depressing, that there is nothing to watch in that stupid mother fucker tv.so i got myself here for a while.check updates and so.that's it?i think i'm gonna go practice guitar for a bit?yeah, i should.so bye.hope to see you, (all my readers) :D *rolls eyes* soon C:

Everything is going to hell.i don't know why, or how.god but i know it's going pretty fast.and i can't stand it.oooooooh why can't life be simple?

Sara,xo C: